http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show....ink.php
JOIE DE VIVIER
Wow, this episode was stellar! While pretty quality this season, the show hasn't been this much fun since that Juliet/Queens two-parter with the masks and Dan and Blair went motoring around the East Coast. Great music, Charlie's fitting right in, twists and turns and surveillance/propaganda/burlesque thematics aplenty, everybody gets a moment in the sun, Dan kicks Vanessa's teeth down her throat. It's all so awesome!

So while Lily's searching a well-known online shopping site for clothes that'll match a house arrest anklet -- and hoping her never-before-seen Newpsie friends will stick by her -- Serena's got Cousin Charlie stalking Dan and Blair to find out if Vanessa's eavesdropping has, as usual, fucked everything up for everybody.

Charlie spots B and Lonelyboy heading into Veselka, but it's not what they think: Prince Louis is media-shy, and Blair knows all the "secret" places from her Dan times -- and Dan's there tailing Louis for some journalism thing (which he immediately shirks). So when S surprises B on her princely date, you think shit is going to hit the fan, but S immediately clears it up. Nevertheless, Charlie stays on the case using Gossip Girl's creepy stalker technology. (And you would too -- Dan looks hot as shit the entire episode.)

Anne Archibald moves the Newpsie party out of Lily's house, in a rare display of bitchery, but with Rufus's not-quite-blessing and Eric's gleeful involvement, Serena uses a previously unmentioned Sapphic indiscretion to blackmail one of the Pink Party's co-chairs to move it back to Lily's house, so she can keep an eye on Blair and Charlie can flirt with Dan. (Serena rules this episode. Actually, everybody does.)

Raina and Nate talk for a hundred years about her exploded mom Avery, then hire a PI. Chuck can't quite manage to tell them how his dad blew her mom up, so after many warnings and misgivings, Chuck accompanies them to Jersey to meet the proposed Avery, who is not her mom after all. Chuck admits the truth to Nate, but surprisingly did not hire the fake mom -- he honestly wanted her to find her mom, aww. Anyway, Chuck's PI seems to think she really is dead, complete with video of her rushing into the burning building or whatever, but you know you can't trust this show.

Prince Louis gets the hammer from his parents, since Blair is not Modern Royalty and he's not supposed to be here, and B assumes that it's Dan's meddling that's gotten his NYC vacation revealed to the world. Blair calls to bitch him out about blowing Louis's spot, but Dan assumes it's about reconnecting with Vanessa, so they meet up again for recriminations and a new plan to keep Louis in town... With Charlie stalking him the whole time. This episode is so fucking good! So the plan is that Dan and Blair will get caught making out at this Pink Party by some French person, and somehow this will solve the problem with Louis.

The French guy spots them, and all is well, but Charlie also got the whole thing on tape. While Blair "admits" she's dating Dan to her Bitches, Serena tells Louis that B lied to him in Paris too, and everything just goes to shit: Dan and Blair try to explain their whole secret relationship to Serena, and it sounds insane even to her -- because of course they are very much in love -- so she dumps them both, and brings the whole Blair Jealousy thing up, so Blair explains that they are friends not to screw Serena, but because Serena is retarded, and they both needed human conversation.

Once Anne doubles down on being mean to Lily, sending her running wild in the streets -- or at least far enough to summon and charm the cops into shutting the party down -- she decides staying in PRADA forever and rotting in Rufus's arms is finally enough for her, so they turn on all the gas jets and settle in.

Meanwhile, Blair manages to convince Louis, herself and the universe that she's in love with him, so he tosses his reputation and royal family to the wind and gets himself photographed kissing her among some really odd atmospheric effects, spurring Serena to call France or whatever and tattle on them.

Charlie goes to DUMBO and explains to Dan that he's in love with Blair, so they talk about that for a while... But awesomely, Charlie out-Vanessas Vanessa by letting him know she was the one that warned S in the first place, so he invites Charlie to hang out and dumps Vanessa for like the eighth time. It feels just as good as the first.

Next week: Louis's mom comes to town on a mission to murder Blair Waldorf, people propose marriage to other people, Chuck takes a Dr. Jekyll potion, and -- don't you worry -- tons of updates on Raina's whole mom situation.

Gossip Girl' recap: Royally Confused
So I could not be more exhausted from trying to figure out all the various complications from last night’s episode of Gossip Girl. Frankly, I’m worn out. Plus, my hair is all kinds of bad from the humidity in New York and I can only take so much. I look like a monchichi. This might have been a record for a Gossip Girl episode involving miscommunication. And for number of ladies in pink dresses (Serena’s was the best btw) and blatant product placement for Gilt Group. But I’ll get to that later.
So, Serena’s cousin Charlie seems to be acclimating well to the world of the Upper East Side. In fact, my favorite moments from the entire episode were Serena attempting to tutor her naïve relative on the ins and outs of spying. Like, for example, Serena couldn’t just flat out ask Dan and Blair if they were dating because that would mean she was trusting backstabber Vanessa. The look on Charlie’s face was genius. And then also Serena recapping the whole Juliet saga made it sound even wackier than when it played out on the show. Charlie also got a crash course in how to use the Gossip Girl map.
Meanwhile, Dan was doing his own little reconnaissance: he was hired by Paris Match (or so he thought) to follow Prince Louis around New York. Apparently, Dan’s blogging for W—which I assume included some kind of piece on visible chest hair and the resurgence of sideburns—was a hit with international readers. Little did Dan know that his sorta love Blair was also hanging with the prince. For some reason, Louis couldn’t just walk around New York and be normal; he had to be mysterious. Raise your hand if you can identify any member of French royalty. Anyone? Anyone? Yeah I didn’t think so. Who is ever going to recognize a French prince on the streets of America? Not believable.
Charlie was assigned by Serena to tail Dan and see if he was indeed seeing Blair. In the first of too many mistakes, Charlie thought Dan and Blair were meeting at Veselka but Dan was, in fact, just following the prince who was there to meet Ms. Waldorf. Still with me? It will get more complicated.
Louis told Blair that his family were actually checking up on him and they hired Dan to follow him. They don’t want the prince dating a “commoner” like Blair. Oh, the problems of the rich and royal. That brings us to Blair Waldorf Overly Complicated Plan #312: she will kiss Dan in front of this royal family official, forcing him to believe there is nothing romantic between her and Louis. Also, said kiss will occur at a breast cancer fund raiser called the Pink Party which, conveniently, allows everyone to get all dressed up
So Lily is now all Lohan-ed out, placed on house arrest and dealing with a pesky ankle bracelet. Apparently she’s been taking to Gilt Group to find lots of floor length gowns to wear (Confession: I actually know that Gossip Girl is doing some kind of a contest with Gilt Group, but I just like to bring up product placement for sheer funzies). Due to her legal issues, she was shunned by the Upper East Side ladies who lunch, particularly Nate’s brittle mother, and was basically disinvited from the aforementioned breast cancer Pink Party. As Eric put it, “The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on Page Six.”
But worried that Lily was getting too bummed out, Serena (along with Rufus and Eric) decided to do a little maneuvering and get the party moved to their apartment, thereby allowing Lily to attend. Frankly, I’m impressed as to how many people they can fit into that space. It never looks that big. Also, I'm kind of tired of that giant Prada painting.
Everyone showed up in their pretty pink dresses (Again, I stress that Serena had the best one). And Blair grabbed Dan to do their big fake kiss thing, but Charlie videotaped their smooch and blasted it to Gossip Girl. Gurl is real handy with her smart phone. Serena obviously was hurt by it but Blair and Dan wrote it off like they were just hanging out because they’re friends, which I found completely confusing. I still have no idea if they ever really liked each other. Weren’t we supposed to believe that? Ugh my head hurts. By the end of the episode, Serena was calling a gentleman in France who I believe was Louis' driver or whoever that dude was from the beginning of the season. What does she have planned? Is she trying to get her own French romance goin'?
Louis eventually decided he didn’t care what the public thought and kissed Blair out in the open. Where is this storyline going? I’m not feelin’ the chemistry between these two.
Throughout all of this, Chuck was attempting to get Raina to forget about finding her mother and I attempted to keep my eyes from closing due to utter boredom. This story is sooooo boring. Poor Nate is trapped basically just listening to people. He hardly even has lines anymore! But honestly this is not a compelling mystery. It feels like the big reveal is just gonna be that Raina’s dad ended up killing her mother. Guess what? I already solved that!
Oh yeah—Vanessa popped back up too. Wah wah. Dan told her that they were no longer friends after he found out she told Serena about the Blair kiss. Are they phasing out Jessica Szohr? Hmmmm. She’s had like one minute of total screen time in the last few episodes.
Charlie seems to be developing an attachment to Dan which furthers my theory that I think the girl has a penchant for obsessing over boys. I believe that’s what her dear old mom has been worried about. Also, it sorta seemed like they were implying that Charlie might move into the Brooklyn loft with Dan. I can see this turning into the male/female version of Leighton Meester’s The Roommate…except with less belly button ring terror.

Below, TV Fanatic Managing Partner Mister Meester is joined by a gentleman who needs no introduction, our esteemed President Gossip Guy, to discuss "Petty in Pink."

Our colleague DANdy is still off partying with Jack Bass on a multi-nation tour of Southeast Asia and remains MIA. Pray for him. It's a two-man show again for now:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?

Gossip Guy: Just because I love the always under-utilized character that shares my name: "The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on Page Six." Though when will they realize the only celebrity gossip site that matters is THG? Close second: Blair's shot at Charlie hailing from Florida. I love when they make fun of my home state. Trust me, it deserves it.

Mister Meester: Where to even begin? Sorely lacking last week, the funny lines were definitely back in "Petty in Pink." The Lindsay Lohan reference, Chuck nonchalantly saying scotch takes the edge off the coke, Blair deriding Dorota's selection of the "sex tape" dress (which she in fact owns) and Dan destroying Vanessa were some of my favorites.

2. Lily under house arrest: A fair punishment?

Gossip Guy: A little ridiculous. Even the alluded to Martha Stewart had to spend some time in prison before getting house arrest. And come on, in modern times with technology and the ability to blackmail your friends online, how bad would house arrest even be!?

Mister Meester: It's kind of silly, but because it lets Lily stay home and do her thing, as opposed to taking up the bulk of 3-4 episodes while the gang tries to spring her from Rikers Island, I'll chalk this up to exemplary writing and move on.

3. Was that actually Raina's mother?

Gossip Guy: Absolutely. This is Gossip Girl. Not even death can kill people. But man, you'd think she would have gotten a nice enough silence package from Bart to not have to wait tables in Jersey. Or even to have to live in Jersey. Poor woman.

Mister Meester: Hard to believe they'd go to the trouble of introducing this Avery Thorpe only to have Raina's mother die in that fire. But why would Russell hate Chuck and Bart so much if she were alive? Unless Russell doesn't know either ...

SPIES IN PINK: Charlie and Serena plot their next dubious move.

4. Will Dan and Charlie hook up?

Gossip Guy: If asking her to stay and drinking beers wasn't already enough, she is (non-blood) related to the guy. We all know Lonely Boy can't resist a relative or a woman close to S.

Mister Meester: The way these last two episodes ended basically guaranteed this, right? Charlie will help Dan woo Blair, only she'll secretly be wooing him. Side Charlie Note: That photo of Dair kissing was hilarious. Dan and Blair must really be into each other, because neither noticed a phone approximately 18 inches from their faces.

5: Harder to believe: Charlie's instant love for spying, the idea that the Prince would be taken back to Paris unless his handler saw Dair kissing, or ANY of Serena's reasoning?

Gossip Guy: I'm not even going to discuss the attractive yet useless Charlie. But, atop Serena's unbelievable body and inside her gorgeous head, there is absolutely nothing going on. I'd believe any line of reasoning she came up with. Meanwhile, the Prince's handler was beyond ridiculous. Really, he'd follow Blair and Dan upstairs? Is he a middle schooler?

Mister Meester: Charlie and Lucien's spying at least somewhat fit the suspended reality that is Gossip Girl in general, so I'm gonna go with Serena. None of what she said or did made any semblance of sense. Who is she, Vanessa?

6: Rate last night on the Vanessa Uselessness Scale (1-10)?

Gossip Guy: 10. I know, extremely low on my scale. Granted she was as useless as ever, but man it was beyond hilarious this week. After Dan planned on standing her up, she came all the way to his door only to be told they'll never be friends and to basically have the door closed in her face. Hilarious. That took her down from my original rating of 4,324 to a much more modest 10. Meanwhile, Nate is slowly pushing his way up to quadruple digits. Watch yourself, Man Bangs or we might have to switch up the weekly VUS to the NUS.

Mister Meester: 7. She was actually somewhat useful by her standards, even if she basically just exists so she can meddle in others' business and they can hate her.

7: Blair gets engaged at season's end. Will it be to Chuck, Dan or Prince Louis?

Gossip Guy: Yuck, I'm the biggest supporter of Dair, but never in the form of anything long term. Now that I swallowed that vomit, I'm going to cast my vote for the Prince. Not because I think the marriage will happen, but because I think it'll make Chuck step up his game.

Mister Meester: Look, I'm all for Chuck and Blair and their undeniable chemistry. But both Dan and Louis have shown they care about her and not just because she's with someone else. B deserves a guy with more maturity whose connection with her goes beyond scheming.

For now, I'm casting my vote for Team Blouis. If nothing else, he's treating her right and will make the Prince and the Pauper fight for her even harder.

Read more: http://www.tvfanatic.com/2011....70IhF44

'Gossip Girl' 'The Princesses and the Frog': Blair catches Royal Wedding fever

Welcome back to "Gossip Girl," where Blair's life is still musical chairs: romance edition, Dan's sideburns are still eating his face and Chuck reverted back to his "Pilot" ways. You know Chuck; He's got to fulfill his yearly attempted rape quota. Stay classy, Bass.

We weren't exactly fans of this episode, but it's still "Gossip Girl," our ultimate guilty pleasure, so we did enjoy parts of it. (See: Nate finally pointing out that Blair and Chuck's relationship is not normal. So dumb, yet so wise.)

Enough Nate-gushing for now.., here are our top 10 moments and quotes from "Gossip Girl's" episode 21, "The Princesses and the Frog":

10. "Gossip Girl" Word Count Winner

Eric. We were too lazy/not paying enough attention to count how many words he spoketh. Can't Eric start doing the "Gossip Girl" voice-overs? He's so much wittier and could use the extra screen-time. Are we right or are we right?

Also, Eric's collection of plaid shirts is endless. Dan should check to see if any shirts are missing from his closet/the rack of clothes outside the loft's door. (In case you didn't know, the Humphreys used to be so poor, they didn't have enough room inside their loft for all their ratty, second-hand, Jenny Humphrey-made clothes. Sad panda.)

9. Of course, Blaine from "Pretty in Pink" directed this episode

As soon as we saw that shot of Chuck from the point of view of the hanging lights in his suit, we asked, 'Who directed this 'indie' college film?" No less than a minute later we learned it was Andrew McCarthy a.k.a Blaine a.k.a. "That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" No wonder he shot it from the lights, he is still bitter about that dig against appliances.

Seriously, the camera angles for all of Chuck's scenes were insane. We felt like we were on a bender with Chuck, which is maybe what they were going for. Still, it didn't work and felt very forced. We know that Chuck is a wreck right now, we don't need the camera telling us he's a mess. Then again, when has "GG" ever been subtle?

8. Speaking of wannabe-indie, Rufus gotz a job! Waffles on the house!

Rufus is hanging up his butler suit, y'all! Or at least putting it away until Lily asks him to break it out in the bedroom. Sorry for ruining your breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next week.

Rufus is now going to be managing Panic! At the Disco. Well, he keeps saying Panic and we're not sure it's actually that Panic, but we're just going with it because it's something "Gossip Girl" would totally do.

7. It took Kate Middleton EIGHT years, Blair. SIT DOWN.

Blair has been dating Louis for like, three days, and thinks she already should be accepted by the Monaco Royal family. Fairy tales are called fairy tales for a reason.

Blair needs to stop being "that girl." You know her: The girl who whines when her boyfriend leaves, uses a baby voice around said boyfriend, believes her life is a fairy tale and decides to marry someone after dating for THREE DAYS MINUTES. Blair, we know you are not this girl, so please, stop being this girl. Do we need to slap a headband on your head again to make you remember who you are?

6. Bart Bass had an affair with Avery Thorpe, Raina's mother

In unrelated news: WHEN WILL THIS STORYLINE BE OVER?

5. Charlie is adapting SO well

She's already using BING. Next thing you know she'll be doing shots of Vitamin Water while ordering clothes from Gilt Group on her AT&T phone.

When we heard Charlie wanted to speak to Vanessa alone after V "sabotaged" Rufus' dinner, we thought she would have slapped her, pulled out her hair extensions, ripped out her belly button ring, killed her... not tell her exactly what she did and why. Amp up your crazy, Charlie! Georgina is coming back soon and there's only room for one crazy Non-Blair b-tch on this show and Georgie got Dan to believe Milo (the monkey-hat wearing wonder) was his son. Make us proud.

4. Dan = Ace

In one episode, he called Rufus "Jeeves" and "The Fonz."

Dan Humphrey IS Twitter.

serena-chuck-frog.jpg
3. Serena Van Der Woodsen is turning into Adrianna Tate-Duncan

It's like the "GG" writers were mad "90210" had the worst friend ever on their show (#dieinafireadrianna) and decided to put one of their characters up for election: Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Serena called Louis' mother to sabotage Blair's relationship. Serena sent all of Blair's dirty laundry to Louis' mother to destroy her chances. She defended Chuck after that disgusting display at the party.

Also, we're just kidding. Serena could never be as awful as Adrianna.

Yes, we are ashamed we still watch "90210." Judge us good.

2. Meanwhile, Chuck is the worst human being in the history of human beings. Ever.

Listen up, ladies. Here's a lesson that will save you a lot of grief in your love life later: Never under any circumstances trust a man who barely can grow facial hair. See: Spencer Pratt.

There's really no excuses for Chuck Bass anymore. If you are going to defend Chuck's behavior in this episode you really need a Sassy Gay Friend to saucily tell you to look at your life and look at your choices.

In this episode, he embarrassed Blair, degraded her, scared her, forced himself on her and then physically hurt her. This is not a man you're supposed to be rooting for.

We really tried to understand the reasoning of people wanting Blair and Chuck back together. We really did, but this... this is going too far. We get that Chuck is a fictional character, but real people are romanticizing his behavior and that ain't kosher.

Random: There is a motorcycle chilling in Chuck and Nate's foyer. WHAT IS THIS SHOW?! When Chuck punched the glass, we fully expected Nate to hop on the hog and run Chuck over. Alas, this is television and not our dreams.

1. Screw Chair, Derena, Dair, Darlie and Naina! Where's Date?!

OK, so it took four seasons to get some Dan and Blair goodness, which has basically been forgotten by the writers already. Everyone seems to forget that it also took four long, arduous seasons to get Dan and Nate's bromance off the ground.

When's the last time they interacted? Was it only earlier this season Dan was calling out Nate's name in the middle of the night and Nate was scribbling Mrs. Dan Humphrey on his notebook (which they denied, of course)?

Seriously, we need a normal, healthy relationship/friendship on this show STAT. Right now, everyone is losing their minds/sh-t/window glass/etc. Season 1, such a simpler time. We miss it.

1. (Part deux!)

VANESSA IS LEAVING AT THE END OF THE SEMESTER TO STUDY ABROAD! See ya on the flipside, V! We won't be having any perogis in your honor.

What did you think of last night's "Gossip Girl" episode, Zappers? Are you still on Chuck's side and if so, WHY? Do you think Blair will actually marry Prince Louis? Will Serena and Blair be able to repair their fractured (again) friendship?

http://tvrecaps.ew.com/recap/gossip-girl-season-4-episode-20/

'Gossip Girl' recap: Royal Engagement

Blair gets closer to her prince charming while Charlie starts to crush on Dan.
By Tim Stack | Published May 3, 2011

How fitting that mere days after the crowning of a new princess in the U.K., Blair Waldorf, the Upper East Side’s own version of royalty, found her prince? Except, um, where did this relationship come from? Like Kate and William had a lengthy wooing process (and I think even a break-up or two). Blair and Louis have barely logged like a month of time together. I don’t think he even knows Dorota’s name yet. And yet Ms. Waldorf was given a diamond that would have even made J. Lo blush. I’d probably marry him too frankly. I respond to anything sparkly. Also, each time an episode’s credit sequence ends with “Directed by Andrew McCarthy” I get realz excited. I think that’s the Lipstick Jungle fan in me. LJ will never die in my heart.
So the night’s hour began with Blair calling her mother and announcing her engagement. Then, we flashed back to the preceding days and witnessed what led up to her landing that giant rock…and seemingly asexual French prince. Is it me or is Louis just not so hot? I feel like the accent is everything. Like if this dude were an insurance salesman from Weehawken there would be zero fuss over him. So he and Blair were enjoying their whirlwind romance when Serena’s revenge plan finally came into play: she had called Louis’ mother and told her about the prince’s decision to marry a common American girl…albeit one with a healthy love of tiaras and power trips. Did anyone else notice that Louis’ mother, Sophie, was played by Joanne Whalley of Willow fame! Remember that weird fantasy movie when Val Kilmer was still hot? I used to looooove that flick although it did scare the bejeesus out of me when I saw it in the theater. Whalley joins the illustrious ranks of Sheila Kelley and Laura Harring of mothers on Gossip Girl. Congrats JoJo. A proud day.
So the royal mum obvs did not approve of Louis marrying Blair, but her son was able to convince her to give Blair a shot. Naturally, this all led to a lavish party with 10 other potential princesses flown in for Sophie to judge. It was kinda like the CW’s own version of The Bachelor sans hot tub make-outs. Am I the only one who was not into Blair’s look for the party? It was kinda messy and obvious like she might as well have gone to a costume store and asked for the Cinderella outfit. I would have appreciated a little more creativity.
Meanwhile, Charlie and Dan started to get closer. Oh, and Charlie clearly found where Serena kept her sequined cardigan stash. Dan took Charlie to one of his classes (remember—these kids are in college!) and they bonded over coffee. But they were not alone: professional lurker Vanessa was also conveniently perusing books. Once again, coffee’s biggest fan, Vanessa, was at the right place, at the right time, using those mutant-esque ears to listen in on private conversations (she did have a very amusing line tonight comparing herself to Julian Assange). So she introduced herself to Serena’s little doppelganger Charlie who seemed to realize what a drip Vanessa is. Good for you, Charlie. Don’t get duped by Vanessa’s almost hypnotically bad patterned clothing. Weirdly, Vanessa decided to help Charlie get closer to Dan.

Rufus, who I was beginning to forget was a regular character on the show, finally landed a (kind of) plotline: he was approached to work with an indie band called Panic. He had to impress the band and was worried about bringing them to the UES apartment so Dan suggested a nice dinner at the Brooklyn loft. Well, when Charlie offered to cook, Dan assumed it would be laid back and casual (think: Domino’s Pizza and Bud Light). But Charlie dropped Lily’s name at Per Se and they offered to cater which I’m sure was really really cheap. Nothing says “casual” and “frugal” like Per Se. Dan, Rufus, and Eric put the kibosh on the fancy dinner, which upset Charlie. She told Dan that’s what Vanessa told her would help win over Dan. It was basically the final nail in the coffin for the Dan and Vanessa friendship. Instead of confronting her, Dan agreed to let Charlie do the deed and get used to a good old-fashioned UES takedown.
So Charlie met Vanessa at what appeared to be Housing Works in Soho and basically admitted that she lied to Dan and blamed Vanessa for the whole Per Se situation. Loooooved this moment. I knew Charlie was cray cray! Best of all, she told off Vanessa while wearing a ball gown. Like amazing. I need this plot line to get really amped up. I want Charlie to be like the crazy nanny from One Tree Hill who kidnapped Dan Scott and built a whole fake hospital room in which to keep him. Now that's crazy creativity. She’s from Florida, so I’m sure she can get real devious and nasty. Vanessa basically just sat there and took the beat down but I’m guessing she’ll plot revenge. Or at least get a cup of coffee and mull it over.
The Raina/mother search continued. Blah blah. Raina was upset. Nate tried to comfort her. Blah blah. Nate talked about sports, which made ¾ of the audience tune out. Blah blah. Seriously, this plotline is deadly. It’s a show killer. It’s the Eric Balfour of Gossip Girl storylines. I just can’t get with it.
Chuck meanwhile fell into a deep depression. You could tell because all of the camera angles on him were slanted. He’s so unstable!!!! Andrew McCarthy has clearly taken a Learning Annex course on filmmaking! But Chuck also found out that his father was most likely having an affair with Raina’s mother. What is so frustrating is that none of this information seems to lead him to what I feel like will be the eventual reveal: Russell Thorpe killed his own wife. This seems as obvious as a Scooby-Doo mystery but I guess Chuck is too unstable (!!!) to put two and two together. In fact, the dude was so troubled that he went to Louis’ lady party and attempted to get Blair back by proposing. Not surprisingly, Blair wasn’t into a drunken proposal and rejected him. She went and checked on Chuck afterwards and the crazypants tried to force himself on her but she managed to get away.
This episode was weirdly light on Serena. Although she, and her boobs, did come out for Blair's royal party. Blair admitted she knew Serena called Sophie and didn't appear to have Serena on the short list for maid of honor judging from the final moments of the episode. Speaking of maid of honor, how much are we all loving Pippa Middleton?!? Okay, I'm clearly done recapping—what did you all think?

'Gossip Girl' recap: "Why Are You Dressed Like The Fonz?"

By Jacob | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 2011.05.02

This episode was so soapy-weird it's positively trippy, between the bombastic music and absurd lighting, but at least it was fun: Not one but four fairytale princes, each one played like puppets by their respective princesses, and each story ending in disaster for nearly everybody. (Lily spends the entire episode watching Downton Abbey, which would have made her the winner any old week -- because it's the best -- but really puts her ahead of the pack this time.)

Raina decides to go looking for her mom, again, sending Chuck into a tailspin, again: Depressed, growing slight facial hair, delivering every line as though about to vomit. But then, maybe he has good reason: Avery and Bart were having an affair, which she ended the night of the fire. Chuck and Nate get into a scary homoerotic fight -- Nate touting the Prince over whatever perverted shit Chuck and Blair ever had going on, even -- that sends Chuck stumbling drunkenly into the night for one last try with Blair.

Meanwhile, seems adorable Prince Louis is about to be engaged to one of ten princesses (literal!) at a big fancy Royal Ball. Dorota draws on her background to instruct Blair about the finer points of royal etiquette, awesomely, but Blair's Cinderella dreams are threatened by two princesses: his mother Princess Sophie, a hilariously regal battleax, and Ugly Sister Serena, keeping the royal heads of Monaco informed on the less-valorous chapters of Blair's history.

Of course, once B asks S to accompany her to the Ball, Serena relents, but not even Serena can help when Chuck -- blasted and crazy and hilariously embarrassing -- shows up and ruins the Ball all by himself, trying to jam an engagement ring on her finger and generally scaring the shit out of all the royal people. (Also scaring them: Manic Blair Waldorf, who spends the entire Ball circling the room like a What The Fuck Robot stuck on Insult Everybody, but of course she never notices that part.)

After that debacle, a contrite S admits both to the sandbagging intel and to supporting personally the eventual/inevitable Waldorf-Bass Empire, which causes Blair to get awesome about how just because S will never get over Dan doesn't mean that B wasn't serious about the Prince. They break up, just as definitively as always, but it's still kind of sad. The Prince, having overheard Blair's heartfelt declaration, proposes marriage -- with or without the crown's approval.

Vanessa, basically hiding in garbage cans now to spy on everybody, catches Cousin Charlie kissing Dan on the cheek and, between comparing herself to Julian Assange -- even Vanessa is now making Vanessa jokes -- and promising to get out of our hair forever at season's end, she decides to play Fairy Godmother so that at least S and B can't have her Lonelyboy.

Trouble is, Dan's scared to death of Charlie's crazy, crushed-out eyeballs, so she needs to step it up: All the van der Humphrey men, along with Rufus's new hipster protégés, are treated to a completely inappropriate business dinner that causes the first of many Charlie meltdowns -- and clues Dan in to the fact that, once again, Vanessa is dicking everybody around.

Dan sends Charlie off to murder V, but as it turns out Charlie knew exactly what she was doing: Portraying Vanessa as a sabotreuse, so that his whole Knight In Shining Armor thing would kick in and turn her crush into a real situation. She sends Vanessa yelping into the night, and claims her boy with a glinting evil grin. (Really does just take a couple days of hanging out with Serena, I guess. Aunt Carol was right!)

So you got Raina dumping on Nate, and Blair on Serena, both for loving Chuck more than anybody else and protecting him, even mid-meltdown. Nate dumps Chuck, and Blair dumps Serena, rending the NJBC to its root, which is fantastic... Until Blair tells Chuck about her engagement, and he pretty much beats her up, which is real scary. Anyway, now he's totally alone and everybody hates him like five times more than before.

Including Raina, who enlists Uncle Jack's help in finally getting Chuck to just actually kill himself next week... If the Prince's thugs don't get there first.

Amazing! XOXO!

http://gawker.com/#!recaps

Richard Lawson — Last night's episode of Uptown Abbey featured a party, like always, some intrigue, like always, and lotsss of really bad fake Monacan accents. Or French accents? It was unclear. But yes, let's talk about it!

OMG where to fucking begin. Blair. Blaironca. Blonks. She's getting married! Yes the episode started in the future and she was wearing a huge tacky hunk of canary diamond costume jewelry and she was calling her mom, who's currently on stage in Arcadia, and she said "Moms, I'm getting hitched, time to bust out my hope chest." Whaaaaat? Who was Blinkers marrying? Only a trip back in time would tell.

The clock rewound and we were in the Five Points neighborhood and the year was 1886. Then the clock realized it had gone too far and it wound back up to just a day before Blair called her mother. Blair was very excited about the prince, because she loves the prince and they are spending lots of sexy time together, giggling and cooing at each other about museums. Mmhm. Just a thing that young couples do. "I do so love the Frick!" "I'll frick you." "I prefer the Guggenheim Bilbao!" "I'll guggen your heim with my bilbao." Etc forever. It's just very sexy and fun. So basically Blair is in prince-time heaven, all squishes and smiles, and nothing can ruin it. Sadly for Blair, just such a nothing, a tall blonde nothing, is plotting against her. Yes, for the sole reason that the writers have never been able to make Serena's character remotely consistent or believable, Serena is doing nefarious things to tear princey and Blair asunder. Namely, she called the prince's mom to tell her that her precious little dog of a son was museeing all over some American girl's dorsay.

Naturally this terrified mama and she hopped the last Concorde and zoomed across the Atlantic to go clean this shit up. She was going to clean this merde up and clean it up good. French bitch, coming through. Watch out world. Blair, of course, was oblivious. Oblivious until she suddenly heard "Hymne Monégasque" blaring and the prince's Monacan mama kicked the door down and said "Where is sheeee??" Uh oh. Not good. Blair ran and hid but it was too late. The old crone grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up and spat in her face. She then turned to the prince, cowering and pissing in a corner, and said "OK, buster brown, enough fucking your painted whores [thanks, Game of Thrones]. It's time you got married." Nooooo! But, unfortunately, yes. The prince would be forced to marry. And who would his wife be? Well, his mother decided to have a party, in New York for some stupid reason, with ten eligible princesses. And Blair would not be one of those princesses. Well, not at first. She finally wore the queen (or whatever her title was) down and she was allowed to go. Fancy French fuck Louis bought her a sparkly bird dress to wear for the occasion and everyone swooned. "I love it when straight men buy me dresses!" - women unwittingly married to gay men everywhere.

So. Everything's perfect, right? Or about to be perfect? Wrong. There is, of course, the surly matter of Chuck. Chuck is upset because he loves Blair and because Tika Sumpter is looking into her mom's past and will of course find out that she was burnt down by Chuck's dad. Chuck is also upset because apparently his house is sinking. Yup, just sinking like the Titantitic. Ha. Poor Andrew McCarthy directed this week's episode and he thought that a good way to show Chuck's descent into Lovecraftian madness was to just tilt the camera to the side. You know who employs that technique? Directors of really cheap vampire movies. Andrew, don't be a really cheap vampire movie. Straighten that camera, son. Just straighten it up. It was really sad. And silly!

But yeah, Chuck's in his slanting mansion of misery and getting drunker and drunker and not even Nate can cheer him up with one of his patented Nate Twink-Flop™ dances, so all is lost. Chuck had heard that the prince was moca-ing all over Blair's masses and he was determined to stop it. So he decided to get dressed up in a suit and get plastered and go on over to the big princess party. At the fete there were princesses from all over, from Thailand to Tipperary, but of course Louis only had eyes for the one from Tudor City. (Well, north of.) Chuck stumbled in, reeking of brown liquors, and sauntered up to Blair. He was all "You don't love the prince. You love me, Chuckles Bass." Then the prince's mom came over and was like "Sacre fuck, this kid's sauced! Gendarmes!" (Ha, actually she said "sécurité!" and it was funny because why not just say "security!" being that you're in America and everything and it sounds basically the same. Silly foreigner.) So yeah, Blair was so fucking embarrassed and ran away home to cry and sulk. But then the prince came over and proposed and yayyyyyyyyy!!! Everything was grand (grandes) and wonderful. So Blair decided to ruin it by going to talk to Chuck. Huhh? Why Blair, why? You stupid. And then Chuck got all scary and physically aggressive and he scratched her face and she yelped and Nate came running in dressed like a geisha with a string of beads hanging out of his butt and was like "What, I was just doing homework, what's wrong?" But Blair just ran off into the night, glad that she had a prince to marry and not this drunken poltroon.

So that was the prince story this week. Other stories! Dan and Cousin Charlie have been spending a lot of chaste time together, lots of feeling up over the underpants and rubbing up against couch arms together and stuff. No, I'm kidding. They're going to coffee shops and Dan took her to one of his classes, because again, that's what kids do when they're in love these days. "Want to come to my Talking About Museums seminar?" "I thought you'd never ask." Dan's dad, Ruf the Goof, warned him that maybe Chaz is into it for a little more than friends and Dan was like "Whaa? No, come on. I've only worn my most chest hair-revealing henleys around her.... Oh wait, those are ladybait! I gotta talk to her about this." So he did talk to her and she was like "What? Silly bean, no. We're just friends." Dan's boner died and that was that. Well, no, of course it wasn't. See, Vanessa was lurking nearby and overheard everything and for some insane reason decided to help Charlie out in getting closer to Dan. She said to help him with his family stuff, namely Ruf the Goof was having a big music dinner for work (whatever happened to the gallery? Did that get sold or something?) and he needed food, so Charlie was like "Oh, I'll offer to cook something simple, like pizzapie." Music dudes love pizzapie! So that's what she did, she went up to Rufus and Dan, who were busy playing their favorite father-son game Rub-a-Dub (don't ask), and said "Pizzapie?" Rufus and Dan nodded their heads and shook their non-Rub-a-Dubbing hands and said "Pizzapie." Pizzapie it was!

Until it wasn't. The big music meeting day arrived (it was at the Brooklyn loft, because that's what cool music people like) and when Rufus and Dan showed up, panting and sweaty, Charlie was there with this whole elaborate set up and the guys from Per Se were catering. (I do not think that is a thing, that the guys from Per Se would come over to your Brooklyn crashpad and just whip up a party meal for you.) What?? Per Se? Candles? What the lofty fuck is going on in this fucking loft? "I thought you were making pizzapie," Dan asked. This was way too fancy for rock 'n' roll people. They would hate this! Charlie said "Oh, I've screwed everything up!" and ran away crying and Rufus called the music people and was like "Can't do it man, sorry, something came up, gotta bail, man, gotta bust, rock talk, I'm doing rock talk, right? I'm still relevant. Love me." Which, OK, so maybe the catered Per Se meal wasn't ideal for a bunch of indie rockers, but like, who the fuck is going to turn down free Per Se food? I say you should have still had your rock meeting, Rufus. I guess it's too late now. Oh well. Just throw all that garbage food out. Disgusting.

Dan went after Charlie, following his boner like a divining rod, and it led him to van der Woodson castle. Charlie was crying and she said "I never should have listened to Vanessa. She was the one who told me to be fancy." Dan shook his head and said "Vanessa is a stupid cavewoman. And I love you. I pick you." Yeah, gross, Charlie and Dan are sort of getting together, and it's like... Dan, try not to fuck your ex-girlfriend's cousin maybe? Like maybe avoid doing that, you weirdo? You did, after all, just kiss her best friend. Tidy work there, friendo. Then Charlie went to see Vanessa and V was all "How'd it go?" and Charlie said "I told Dan you told me to make it fancy" and V said "I didn't tell you to do that!!" and Charlie smiled and narrowed her eyes and said "I know. But now Dan thinks you did and he's mine, alllll mine." She cackled and cackled and Vanessa pooped herself and this whole Charlie thing is not going to end well.

Neither will this recap. Sorry. It's done! À bientôt!

http://www.wetpaint.com/gossip-....he-frog

Gossip Girl Recap: Chuck Comes Undone in "The Princesses and the Frog"

Keep your friends close and your friends who secretly hate you and want to destroy your every chance at happiness even closer. No, you know what? Maybe you should get away from those guys. This week in Gossip Girl’s “The Princesses and the Frog” Nate (Chace Crawford) friend-dumps Chuck (Ed Westwick), Serena (Blake Lively) tries to undermine Blair (Leighton Meester), and sweet little Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) sharpens her claws on Vanessa (Jessica Szohr).
Blair’s fairytale is threatened by an unexpected wicked witch: Serena. S pretends to make nice with Queen B after their fight last week, but secretly she’s still seething — seething with concern for Blair’s emotional well-being, of course. Not with jealousy. Whether her motives are pure or sullied, the fact remains that she totally stabs Blair in the back. S calls Louis’s parents to tell them he’s slumming with a colonial, and next thing you know, Blair’s facing down a disapproving maman who also happens to be a princess. Louis’s mom is so aghast at her survey of Blair’s scandalous past (helpfully curated by Serena) that she ships in 10 princesses and demands Louis marry one of them immediately.
That’s the news from fairyland. Meanwhile, over in Mordor (Chuck’s twisted lair of sadness), tensions are rising. Raina (Tika Sumpter) wants to find her mom, Nate’s torn between his loyalty to Chuck and his desire to tell Raina that Bart Bass probably killed her, and Chuck drinks and drinks and glares and drinks. It gets worse when Chuck’s private investigator brings him a note suggesting Bart and Avery Thorpe were having an affair — an affair she broke off just before her fiery demise. Watch Chuck’s chest frame by frame and you’ll actually see his heart break. (Many of you probably watch Chuck’s chest frame by frame anyway.)

While everyone else struggles with love and death, the Humphreys try to deal with dinner. And they fail miserably. Dan (Penn Badgley) and Charlie have been hanging out a lot, and Charlie’s crushing hard on him, but Dan’s learned his lesson about dating his step-relatives and he’s not feeling it. However, Charlie’s got an ace up her sleeve: Vanessa, who’s blowing town to study abroad and wants to... get Dan a girlfriend she’s never met from a family she hates? That part doesn’t make much sense, but whatever.

Rufus (Matthew Settle) is throwing a dinner party at the loft for a band whose record he wants to produce, and Charlie volunteers to cook. Instead, she throws an Upper East Side style catered shindig — not exactly the vibe to land an indie band. Everyone knows indie bands hate delicious food. Rufus manages to save his music deal, but a humiliated Charlie tells Dan that Vanessa sabotaged her with bad advice. But, wait: Twist! Turns out Vanessa gave her solid advice, but Charlie decided to make V out to be the villain so Dan would come to the rescue of a damsel in distress. Aww, baby’s first Upper East Side Machiavellian power play. She took to it like a duck to water. A scary, scary duck.

A drunken Chuck bursts into Blair’s royal soiree, slurring a sloppy confession of love and trying to shove an engagement ring on her. Here’s a hint to the lovestruck suitor: Don’t propose when you’re so drunk you keep missing her finger. Blair, aghast, kicks him out and flees the scene, but Louis follows her, confesses his love, and, though it may cost him the throne, proposes.

Blair comes to see Chuck, and Chuck initially thinks she’s come to be his boo again. When she explains that she’s going to marry Louis, he gets scary, exposing his long-dormant violent side. Blair manages to fend him off, leaving with a cut on her cheek. The sight is enough to convince Nate to abandon Chuck and side with Raina — but Raina’s falling to the dark side herself. Last we see her, she’s on the phone with Jack Bass (Desmond Harrington). Ruh roh! Chuck’s fresh out of allies to help him fend off Jack this time.

EW

http://tvrecaps.ew.com/recap/gossip-girl-season-4-episode-21/

'Gossip Girl' recap: Daddy Issues
Chuck's uncle Jack returns and Charlie reveals that she may be even crazier than Georgina.
By Tim Stack | Published May 10, 2011

I’m like the Nostradamus of Gossip Girl: pretty much everything I predicted would happen did. Charlie revealed herself to be the mayor of Crazytown. Russell was revealed to be the actual murderer of Avery Thorpe. Serena showed cleavage. Charlie learned how to show cleavage from Serena. I mean I could launch my own Psychic Friends Network at this point (although I would NOT invite Dionne Warwick to participate after seeing what a beeeyatch she is on Celebrity Apprentice).
Blair and Louis continued on with their not-so-believable love affair. Princess Sophie still didn’t seem to thrilled about Blair, especially after having Ms. Waldorf followed. Seems that Blair is spending an awful lot of time with Chuck despite her new engagement status. But you know what turned around Sophie’s attitude towards Blair? Jewelry? Money bribe? Nope. It was the charms of a petite bald man a.k.a. Cyrus (Wallace Shawn). That wee man warmed the heart of Princess Sophie. I must say it was nice having Cyrus and Eleanor back. They’ve been MIA for sooo long.
But we still had to go through a lot of pretty slow-moving moments with Louis and Blair discussing their relationship and mostly fighting over her connection to Chuck. These two have less chemistry than Jodie Foster and Richard Gere in Sommersby. William and Kate they are not. Hell, they’re not even Harry and that lady from the Real Housewives of DC. Blair began to worry that Louis wouldn’t be able to accept her and all of her darker qualities (see: blackmail and general meanness). She may have a point. Those malicious elements are exactly what draws Chuck to Blair.
Speaking of Chuck, his uncle Jack returned to town after being contacted by Raina. Was it just me or was Jack missing teeth? It looked like one of his front teeth decided not to show up. I was confused. Did he loose teeth the last time he was on? Did he have a slight meth addiction I wasn’t aware of? Very odd. Anyhoo, Jack then got in touch with Russell Thorpe and plotted with old Russell to take down Chuck. So, in another confusing plot point, Jack brought some goons to Chuck’s newest real estate venture, a Brooklyn hotel called Charles’ Place (which frankly sounds like some kind of senior citizen assisted living facility) and had them take Chuck into rehab. Can you force someone into rehab…especially when there’s not really an issue with addiction? The only thing I know about rehab is what I learned from the original 90210 and all of Dylan’s problems. Sorry folks.
Russell assumed Chuck was out of the way and took the opportunity to rifle through Chuck’s place at the Empire Hotel. He was looking for a security video from the night of the fire but then—surprise!—Chuck showed up with Jack and Nate and told Russell it was all a big scam. Those crazy kids! In a surprisingly atypical move, Jack decided that he would not screw over his nephew and instead helped Chuck take down Russell. Opposite day!! So they all watched the video that Russell was trying so desperately to nab and as predicted by moi, it revealed that Russell set the fire that killed his wife. Ho hum.

So we thought that Russell would disappear and be gone forever (thank you!) but then Nate wound up telling Raina the truth. NATHANIEL! We almost had this storyline over. Damn dude. So at the very end of the episode, Russell had lured Blair to Charles’ Place (again, not a retirement community but Chuck’s hot new hotel) for a little revenge action.
Meanwhile, Charlie went from zero to loon in no time! First of all, she told Dan that her favorite book was Flowers in the Attic. Um hellurrrrr Dan! Warning sign! Start running for the hills, dude. Then, she stopped taking her mysterious medication which previously caused her to go “from well to hell.” Wouldn’t it be funny if it was just like Lunesta or some kind of allergy medication? Like if the major problem with Charlie was brutal sneezing.
After Dan invited Charlie to a fundraiser at their old high school, Charlie freaked out that she had nothing to wear. Serena naturally introduced her to the Rhodes family trust fund. Charlie, like any smart gal, took that trust fund for a test drive at Nina Ricci. Who says Floridians don’t have style? Well, I guess I’ve said that from time to time but I’m taking it back…slowly. Charlie though began to get all freaked out when the big event started getting closer. So professional party girl gave her a few pointers like refrain from laughing at Dan’s dance moves and get drunk so your feet don’t hurt in heels. Role model material!
But then my favorite moment: Charlie showed up to Blair and Louis engagement party wearing Serena’s cotillian dress!!! The look on Serena’s face was redonkulous. Loved. Of course she confronted Charlie about the dress but Charlie claimed it was the Nina Ricci she bought. Serena then asked to see the tag which Charlie said she cut off. Genius! So this is what happens when she stops taking her medication: she becomes a bitchy fashionista! I can see how that can be dangerous in Florida where everyone wears sandals and fanny packs.
Dan and Charlie then made their way to the Constance/St. Jude party where Charlie went full throttle cray cray and attempted to seduce Dan in Headmistress Queller’s office. She also was rocking some insane, Serena-like cleavage. Clearly, she has been taking notes. But then she asked Dan to call her Serena while they were getting it on. That sorta freaked out Mr. Humphrey and he ran out.
The episode ended with Serena and Vanessa coming to a truce so they could share notes on Charlie and Rufus revealing that Charlie had gone off her meds. Uh oh. Chuck came to the Constance party to steal back Blair but she was in the clutches of Russell. What will happen Gossip Girl fans?!?! How many more Vitamin Water tie-ins can we deal with?!?! Did you read that Jenny and Vanessa are leaving?!?!

http://nymag.com/daily....to.html
Gossip Girl Recap: From Well to Hell

What are the limits of love? This was the question that hovered over the glossy heads of the players on last night's episode of Gossip Girl, each of whom tested the boundaries of their intendeds with varying results. Blair wondered if Louis would ever tolerate her acquired habits of scheming, playing sex games, and dropping everything — even him — to tend to Chuck Bass the second he calls from a rooftop. Louis claims he will, but is he being sincere? Blair gives him another test just to be safe. Meanwhile, Nate finally got Raina to stop yelling at him about trying to find out who killed her dead mother — by telling her it was actually her father who killed her. That didn't make Raina feel any better, and by the forlorn look on Nate's face as their limo drove into the distance, he realized he probably still wasn't going to get laid for quite some time. Neither will Dan Humphrey, much to Charlie's disappointment. As it turns out, being asked to call a girl by his ex-girlfriend/sister's name while doing it wasn't his bag.

More Real Than Not Being Able to Leave Your Computer During a Heated Birkin Auction:
• Blair's Roman Holiday fantasy (Audrey Hepburn, check!) with Louis turns into a nightmare starring Chuck and a moped crash. Plus 4.
• Of course Nate would be so spoiled as to pour himself a cup of coffee, take one sip of it, and then leave it on the felt pool table where it would definitely leave a ring. Plus 1, because you know Chuck swooped in and picked that up just as soon as he finished scowling off into the distance at nothing.
• Dan is so judgey about Charlie's affection for Flowers in the Attic. Plus 4. (You know she only watched the movie. Kristy Swanson!)
• Charlie squees like Dan proposed after he asks her to a Constance Billard–St. Jude's black-tie benefit as though she sat on a Crest Spinbrush. Plus 2, because maybe she can go back in time and take Serena's whole life now!
• At first it seems like Eleanor thinks that throwing an engagement party will fix the Monaghesque succession laws, which seems depressing and wrong. But then it becomes clear, when she says "Welcome to our tasteful and appropriate home," that she thinks this is all a ridiculous joke and that it won't last. Plus 5.
&8226; Is the roof on which Chuck surveys the future Charles Place the one where he almost raped Jenny? Or the one where Blair failed at being a fashion model? Either way, fitting.
• Cyrus hugs Princess Sophie. Plus 10. If only we could all get hugged by Wallace Shawn.
• Blair: "I just wanted to warn you so you could prepare for whatever Jack is planning."
Chuck: "How could I ever prepare for what you're planning?" Plus 2.
• The Princess tells Blair that she thinks she can get the board to waive whatever rules would prevent Louis from marrying Blair, because "there are certain dalliances" some of them "would rather not have exposed." "It feels like we're family already!" Blair replies. Plus 4. (As much as we want to subtract dozens of points for the whole ridiculous succession thing, it is sort of fitting and sweet that Cyrus resolved it, so wash.)
• Ha, we totally snorted wine out our nose when Louis told Blair, "I want to see all the parts of you, even the ones you are ashamed of." Plus 4, because only a non-native English speaker would be able to say that with a straight face. Or a mature person.
• Of course Serena still has a picture of herself kissing Dan on her bureau. Plus 3.
• Serena single-handedly reveals every DNA strand of her spoiled Upper East Side upbringing when her smiling scolding of Charlie for wearing her dress ("You could have borrowed anything, but you should have asked") devolves into an irrational, "Take it off! You're not leaving this party in that dress," in a matter of seconds. Plus 10. (Obviously she didn't think that one through — going bare would give Charlie's chest its only possible shot at taking attention away from Serena's, and we can't have that.)
• The cut of the suit that Chuck was wearing during the confrontation with Russell is spectacular. No points, but nice.
• Jack: "Unless we're close to resolving this, I'm going to order room service, okay? … I can't choose an entree with Hallmark Hall of Fame playing in the background. I'm calling the cops." Plus 2. He's much better playing the sulky child than the sulky businessman.
• Cyrus, to Blair: "You're returning to your alma mater as a princess bride to be!" No points, but a million snaps.
• Chuck goes to find Blair "before the nice guy actually wins." Plus 2, even though at different points in their trajectory, Chuck would have wanted Blair just to be happy.
• Jack calls the Monaco royal family "titled circus performers." Plus 2.
• Former minions Isabel and Kati looked great when Blair ran into them at the Constance Billiard–St. Jude's fund-raiser, while the two remaining Baby Gossip Girl fanatics that were created as "kind of a nod to New York Magazine's Daily Intel" have visibly aged. That sounds about right. Plus 3.
• Raina's snot-face cry when she finds out her dad killed her mom is pretty good. Poor Nate looks almost disgusted. Plus 1.

Total: 59

Faker Than Jack Bass's Rooster Gobble of a Hairpiece
• Chuck wouldn't tell Nate about a Brooklyn hotel he was building until it was in the Wall Street Journal New York Journal "Real Estate" section? Minus only 2, because, to be fair, they had all that murder-cover-up business to talk about.
• Brooklyn may be all "bars, bakeries, and babies" to Chuck, but it's not in real life — there are plenty of hotels there. Minus 3. Also, it really doesn't seem very Chuckian to name his hotel "Charles Place." Maybe Chateau Blair, but not something after himself. Minus 5.
• Minus only 3 for Charlie's breakfast of Dylan's Candy Bar treats, because it seems like something insane that she might do. But the product placement is really pushing it here.
• Eleanor doesn't even seem at all perturbed that her daughter has gotten engaged to a man Eleanor has never met, and with whom Blair has only gone on maybe three dates. So she throws an engagement party on a day's notice. Wasn't she the only sane one on this show for a while? Minus only 3, because as we said, she's probably just waiting it out.
• Vitaminwater? No, no, no, no. Minus 20, no matter how many times you say it with "Vena Cava."
• "You look like you just got a trust fund," Serena says approvingly to Charlie. No she doesn't, she's one girl with a garment bag. A girl who suddenly comes into a trust fund would flounce into a room waving around a cigarette holder, accompanied by several footmen whose faces are hidden behind a pile of hat boxes. Duh, Serena. Charlie clarifies by saying she got a "loan from the bank of Cece" to buy the dress, so no points deducted.
• In the short time she's been here, Charlie has already proven herself to be a schemer on par with Blair, or at least Vanessa. We're expected to believe she would dump the crazy pills Rufus has just reminded her she has to take out in the living room trash can, along with the bottle? Please. Girl reads Gossip Girl, she would have at least sought out Damien Daalgard and made a few extra bucks off of the stuff. Minus 3.
• Meanwhile, when Charlie dumps out her pills into the trash can, container included, Gossip Girl says, "I don't think that's what the doctor meant when he said 'Use As Directed.'" Was that even a pun? What was that? Minus 1.
• Plus, no way Rufus wouldn't have looked up what Charlie's prescription did the second he got it filled and immediately begun telling everyone. Minus 2, because he may be managing a band, but he's still a houseshusband at heart.
• What, no update on what Nelly Yuki's been up to these past couple of years? Minus 3.
• Blair's dress at the engagement party is hideous. Minus 1. It's not even princessian!
• When Chuck was being dragged out by the men in beige coats (what happened to white, by the way?), we were howling at the ridiculousness of it all. Thankfully, it turned out to be a fake-out. But wouldn't Russell Thorpe, a supposed genius businessman, have also seen it for what it was? Minus 10.
• We believe that Pamela Dennis would have designed a dress for Serena personally for cotillion — but would that dress have fit Charlie? Doubtful. Look at the tiny chest on it!
• Pretty much everything about the Charles Thorpe–as-vengeful-fire-starting-murderer scenario was of course completely ridiculous, starting with the quality of the security tape that was taken close to twenty years ago, the fact that there were security tapes at all (He owns buildings! You'd think he'd know where the cameras were, or at least wear a mask!) and fact that he set the fire himself instead of just paying for some goon to do it. But minus only 20, since by the look of things, next week's Thorpe-related plotline will be even more ridiculous.
• What exactly is Charlie's mental illness? That she's diabolical? If that's the case, then the entire Upper East Side is off its meds — and we know that's not the case. Seriously, the only difference between Charlie on meds and off meds is … she wears her hair up. Minus 10, because that is sometimes a sign of madness.

Total: 86

So obviously this episode landed on the fake side, and frankly should have been even more lopsided but at this point we just don't have the heart to subtract points for absurdities like the fickle Monegasque succession rules or the vagaries of mental illness. The show, as it reaches the end of its fourth season, is feeling like it's sprinting to the finish while juggling a bunch of flaming bowling pins — and dropping some. Obviously Kelly Rutherford wasn't cast in this episode, but Serena's lame exposition while carrying her a limp plate of asparagus just felt uninspired. As they go into season five, the writers are going to have to make some big decisions: Is this a real soap opera, with ghosts and amnesia and people who seem dead but aren't? Because if that's the case, they're going to have to start casting a lot more evil twins. If not, then let's bring these plotlines back down to earth and get serious!

Gossip Girl: Crazy Like a Fox

http://gawker.com/recaps/5800412

Richard Lawson — Last night's episode of Gossipeuses told a tale of woe and intrigue, of double-crossing and pill-not-popping. Some kids are ascending to royal thrones, others are descending into pits of madness. Let's find out what happened!

Last we saw Blair, her one true love, Chuckles Bass, had put his fist through a window, sending glass shattering down onto Blair's beautiful face, scratching it. A perfect single drop of blood dripped down her alabaster cheek, and she ran away, never to speak to Chuck again. Well, except to speak to him several times in last night's episode. I don't really want to get into the creepy domestic abuse aspect of the glass-shattering injury thing — it's certainly there and it's a downer, but let's just all remember that these are a fake people and move on — so let's just say that Blair doesn't know what's good for her and keeps coming back to Chuck, despite his instability.

Well, in Blair's defense, she's not coming back to him because she wants to date him. No, she's perfectly happy with her prince. Though the prince's mom has said that if he marries Blair he will have to abdicate the throne. Blair is basically Wallis Simpson, what with her racism and Nazi-supporting. But! Blair still thinks she has a shot at convincing Princess Buttsqueeze that she's good enough to be a princess, so she's decided to take her, along with her precious Louis, on a tour of New York City. But, oops, lady totally hates New York City. "I've had enough of this ugliness," Joanne Whalley says in her best terrible French accent. Blair frowns and face-poops and says "Oh, phooey." All the princess wants to do is go back to Monaco, where everyone's white and rich. Fiddlesticks! And even bigger fiddlesticks for Blair that when she's walking with the princess she sees none other than Chuck's wicked uncle Buck Jack getting into a car across the street. Jack is in town?? She must warn Chuck, immediately! So in a deeply contrived plot point, Blair does, in fact, immediately run away to tell Chuck, and the princess shakes her head and says "Yo, Lou, she's jeepin' on you. I had my boy Murray follow her and she went to Chuck's crib right after you proposed." (This was when Chuck Hulk-smashed the window and decapitated Blair.) Louis shook his thick, Thwomp-like head and said "No, no, it cannot be true!" But his mom was like "It totally is. It totally fucking is. Go, follow her right now, see where she's at."

So Louis did. He did see where Blair was at. Blair was at Chuck. She was at Chuck so hard. No, they weren't smooshing or anything, they were just having a talk about Jack Bass the jackass being in town. Chuck already knew! See, OK. Raina, you remember Raina, she's all pissed at Chuck because she thinks his dad burned down her mom in a hotel fire like a million years ago. So she wants Chuck ruined. Thus she called Jackbass the jackass and was like "Come here and let us ruin your nephew together." So Jack showed up at a bar and was like "I presume you're Raina, seeing that you're black, and there aren't really ever black people on this show, so the black person at the bar must be you." Raina said yes and they hatched some plan to do some kind of thing and Jack waved his cape and was gone.

He ended up going straight to Raina's dad and was like "I don't trust girls with a man's job, especially a man who's been on Spin City, so let's you and I talk turkey." They hatched a plan to get Chuck committed to the loony bin, as if Chuck were Blanche DuBois. And, in many ways, Chuck is Blanche DuBois. So, perfectly good plan. Old-timey, but I like it.

But yes, Chuck already knew that Jackbass the jackass was in town and he was ready for him when he came at him. Or was he? Or wasn't he? Double-crossing! Chuck was in Brooklyn because he heard that people are living in Brooklyn these days, just a few settlers here and there, true pioneers, and he wanted to build a hotel for them. So in just a week's time he'd purchased a place and was already in the construction phase. Amazing! There he was minding his business, scanning blueprints and drinking coffee out of a hardhat and other constructiony things, and in walks Jackbass. The camera goes all hand-held and shaky, because they're trying out new "artsy" tricks with the Chuck scenes these days, and a fight ensues. Chuck punches Jackbass and then Nate runs in, shrieking like an old woman in a Western, waving his apron, bonnet flapping in the wind. He and Chuck had a fight earlier about how he threw broken glass at Blair and he stormed out and Chuck was like "If you leave now don't bother coming back," he was kicking Nate out, and Nate was like "I'm already gone." And then Nate put the engagement ring on the table and went to go cry at Patty Hewes's apartment. But now Nate was back, yelling at Chuck, and then two burly men came in and took Nate from behind led Chuck away, because I guess... I don't know why. I mean, I don't know why Chuck felt he had to go with them? But he did, so he did. Up in the rafters Raina's dad did a slow clap and said "Well-played, Jackanape. Well played indeed."

So Chuck is being sent to the funny-farm, end of story. EXCEPT IT'S NOT THE END OF THE STORY. Raina's dad goes to Chuck's apartment to meet with Jack to discuss payment for services rendered and all of a sudden Chuck is there and he's like "Ah ha, ya burnt. We fooled you!" Jack and Chuck and Nate had all teamed up (IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE, SEX) to hoodwink Raina's dad. Jack did it because deep down he really does love Nate Chuck, and he didn't like Raina's dad telling him what to do. So they all sat Raina's dad down and showed him a video that Chuck had found that showed Raina's dad locking all the doors to the hotel the night his wife burnt down. Meaning it was Raina's dad that did it, not Chuck's dad! Sins of the father! Raina's dad had done it because he thought Chuck's dad was in there and he wanted to burn him down for sleeping with Raina's mom. Tragic tale. He begged with Chuck not to release the tape, he even offered him the keys to Thorpe Corp., but Chuck just shook his head catfishly and said "No, no. You just get outta town, Buster Brown. That's what you do." Raina's dad thanked him and kissed his feet and backed out of the room, never to be seen again. Except of course he was to be seen again!

Nate went to go tell Raina that the plan to foil Chuck was off and Raina got all pissy, screaming "His dad burnt down my mom, his dad burnt her up in a fire real good!" and finally Nate had to tell her. "No, Raina. It wasn't Chuck's dad. It was Raina's dad. Meaning your dad." And Raina was so upset that she punched Nate in the face and Nate started crying and then went to go sulk in a corner for the rest of the night. Raina then called her dad and was like "Murderer! Arsonist! Thief of hearts! I hate you and the limo your rode in on! You're as dead to me as mom is dead to me. Mom's actually dead, so that makes you pretty darn dead too." Raina's dad was so mad. He silently swore revenge...

MEANWHILE, there were two parties. The first party was an engagement party for Louie and Blinks. Blair was all nervous about making a good impression on the princess, while Louis was all mad because he'd seen Blair visit Chuck in Brooklyn. Luckily Wallace Shawn was there to smooth everything over. Well actually Wallace Shawn was there for the express purpose of delivering one line with the phrase "princess bride" in it, but whatever. He told Blair's mom not to worry about the princess, he'd take care of her. He showed her his shocker hand and Blair's mom giggled and said "I know it well!" Ew. Sorry. No what he actually did is he found out that the princess is totally butt-crazy in love with birds, so he talked to her about birds all night. So when Blair went up to greet her, the princess was like "Holy shit, tweety birds. He told me about tweety boids. I love birds. Birds. I love you too, Blair. You are a bird? You can be princess, that's fine." Whoa! So all you have to do to win the princess of Monaco's heart is... talk about tweety birds. Hm. No reason I'm asking really, just curious, but is there, uh, a lot of inbreeding going on in the Monacan royal family? No reason! Just asking, in a general hypothetical sorta way. Don't get upset, princess. Look. A tweety bird. Isn't it a pretty bird? You go look at the tweety bird over there in the corner with Nate.

So Blair's in! She's going to become a princess!!!!!! Holy cats, it's all she's ever dreamed of. If only the prince was more handsome and didn't have an accent-related speech impediment. Sorry! Let's just deal with facts here because we are adults, in theory. You've all been thinking it. But oh well. The point is, it's princess time. Or is it??? Louis took Blair aside and was like "I love you but I think you are very obsessed with Le Chuck, so if you really love me, I'll be at the fundraiser for your high school that I've never been to and that you invited me to. I'll be there without you, which isn't weird at all, and you can come find me. If you come, we'll get married. If you don't come, I can go again, seriously, just give me a minute, maybe you can be on top or something." Haaa. He didn't say that last part, sadly. But yes. If Blair goes to the party to find him, she loves him. No brainer.

The other party was, yes, a fundraiser for Constance's Billiards Academy, a place we haven't visited in years! Don't we miss it so? Everyone who's everyone was in attendance, even Blair's old minions who we haven't seen in an age. Of course Blair went to find her prince but then, alls of a sudden, she got a mysterious phone call and yelled at Serena's cousin (more on her in a second) "Tell the prince I had to go see Chuck and that I'll be back in a jiff!" Ooohhhh fuckles, Blair. That's exactly what you weren't supposed to do. Why are you doing this? Well, turns out it was serious. She runs up to the roof of the school and is like "Hello? I got a phone call saying Chuck was up here and ready to jump? Hello??" And then the door swung shut and out of the shadows walked... Raina's dad! Come to exact his revenge! On... Blair. OK. See, he thinks Chuck is the one that told Raina about how her mom got burnt down, even though it was stupid girly big-mouth Nate. God, never tell him a secret ever. He's the worst, stupid old Nate. Blair got all scared and the episode ended. Will Blair die from being pushed off the roof by Raina's dad? I'm gonna say yes. I'm gonna say that's what the show's going to do.

Before we go, let's talk about Charlie, Serena's cousin, and her relationship with Dan. As we all know, Charlie is crazytown and will be some sort of villain character next season or something. For now, she's just trying to become Serena. First she "bought" a dress with her trust fund (she just went over to see grandmama to have that activated, easy as that) that looked a lot like a dress Serena already owns. Serena was like "Uh, that's my dress, take it off" at the party (just take it off right now?) and Dan was like, "You're being dumb, Serena." So Serena got all upset and went home and Vanessa was in her house for some reason and she was like "Dag, V. Charlie just totally punked me like she punked you last week." Then Rufus came downstairs and was like "I found pills that she didn't take, she's crazy." See, Charlie is supposed to be taking brain pills, but she doesn't want to take them, so she dumped them out into a novelty trash can under a fake desk in the living room. Ha, what? That's your best hiding place? Why not put the brain pills in the toilet and flush the toilet? Why not, oh I don't know, put the brain pills in a more frequently used garbage can? The trash can she used was strictly ornamental and so it was no shock that Rufus found them practically instantly. Maybe it was an obvious cry for help? The ol' decorative wastebasket cry for help? Who knows.

What we do know is that at least V, S, and Ruf the Goof now know that Charlie is crazy. And Dan might be figuring it out too. Back at Constance's Billiards Hall, Charlie was like "You should do something naughty in your old high school..." So she led him into Headmistress Queller's office and got undressed and they were to do it. It was actually kind of sexy, watching old barracuda-faced Dan get all horny and hot-and-bothered. They commenced the doing of it on Queller's desk but then Charlie was like "Call me Serena," and Dan was like "Hollllllllld up. Crazy time. Crazy lady. Never mind. Stand down, boner." Charlie knew she'd ruined it and was just like "Um... oops." And Dan ran away into the night or something, leaving Charlie alone at the party, standing on the stairs when Blair said "Tell Louis I'm with Chuck and will be right back!" Of course Charlie will not. Charlie seems to want to inexplicably ruin everything for everyone. But mostly she wants to ruin Dan's boner. Everyone wants to ruin Dan's boner.

Speaking of Dan's boner, where was Erik all episode? It seems like he's going to pop up next week, but he was, this week, once again ignored. Sad thing. If only we'd been able to see the scene where Dan, confused and blue of balls, ran to Nate's for comfort. Only to find Erik there too, splayed out in bed, someone under the sheets, nuzzling around. And then a head popped up and it was none other than Jackbass. And then Nate walked out in a silk robe, front open, holding three glasses and a bottle of champagne. He turned to see Dan, smiled a funny, strange smile, and said "Well. I guess we'll be needing another glass." I wish we could have seen that scene! It was a good scene, I'll bet. Oh well. Too bad.

Next week's the finale, and then we're done. Then summer's come (Seth likes it when she's on top) and everyone's off to places near and far. To Nantucket, to Cuttyhunk, to Shelter Island too. To Brooklyn, to Boston, to the blue burbling bay of Monte Carlo. One more week!

http://www.wetpaint.com/gossip-....ed-bass

Gossip Girl Recap: The Truth Comes out in "Shattered Bass"

Only one more episode to go in Gossip Girl Season 4, and all the pieces are being put into place for the big season finale. The Thorpes’ attack on Bass Industries is narrowly averted, but is the stage set for an even worse loss for Chuck (Ed Westwick)? Will Blair (Leighton Meester) let the crown slip through her fingers? And most pressingly: WTF, Charlie (Kaylee DeFer)? For all those burning questions and more, read on.
Blair is still on a grim march toward romantic bliss with Louis (Hugo Becker). Ignoring Chuck’s violent outburst, she pushes forward with her campaign to win over Louis’s disapproving maman. But while the princess may not be an Upper East Sider, she knows a trick or two: She has Blair followed, and then tells Louis about B’s rendezvous with Chuck. Louis grows suspicious of Blair’s secrecy — and a visit to Chuck does nothing to allay those fears.

Chuck has troubles of his own. He’s opening a new hotel over in Brooklyn, which, wow, not the way to win back Blair. What’s worse, his old uncle/nemesis is back in town and consorting with the enemy. First Jack (Desmond Harrington) meets with Raina (Tika Sumpter), who ropes him into a scheme to bring Chuck down, but Uncle J decides to go after a bigger fish and talks to Russell himself. Russell is glad to help, on one condition: He wants the tapes of the fire Chuck got from his private detective.

Charlie has snagged herself a Dan (Penn Badgley), though he seems about as attached to her as a puppy he’d been asked to babysit. Serena (Blake Lively) initially claims to be okay with their romance, but signs are gathering that Cousin Charlie’s more trouble than she appears — Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) calls to tell Serena about how Charlie shafted her, and Rufus (Matthew Settle) finds her medication (for some unspecified mental ailment, sounds like bipolar disorder) in the trash. Serena finally realizes something’s up when Charlie shows up in Serena drag at the Constance Alumni ball. You guys realize she’s the third person this year to dress up as Serena? Come on. No one else on this show has the boobs to pull that off.

Charlie pulls Dan away to sex him up on Headmistress Queller’s desk. But what seems like a bit of sexy, bad-girl fun takes a turn for the Single White Female when Charlie asks Dan to call her Serena while they’re doing it. Girl, you’ve got to wait till at least the fourth date to expose that level of crazy.

Jack has Chuck dragged away by the men in white coats, and Russell Thorpe triumphs — or so he thinks. Turns out Jack, Chuck, and Nate (Chace Crawford) were working together to figure out what Russell was up to. After watching that sought-after tape, it turns out Russell was the one who set the fire and killed his wife, because she was going to leave him for Bart Bass. Chuck boots him back to the Second City, generously promising not to tell Raina that Russell killed her mom if he never shows his face around City Numero Uno again. But Nate can’t keep a secret like that from his boo. When Raina insists on going after Chuck, Nate reveals that it was really Russell who killed her mother, and she calls dear ol’ pops to cut him out of her life for good.

Louis’s suspicions begin to make him pull away from Blair, and he demands total honesty from her if they’re going to get married. Blair seems ready to acquiesce, but a text from a desperate Chuck sends her flying up to the roof to beg him not to jump.

But the text isn’t from Chuck at all. It’s Russell. Now that he’s lost everything, he thinks Chuck’s responsible, and he’s got Blair trapped on the roof of a skyscraper. Blair’s dress may be trimmed with feathers, but that doesn’t mean she can fly...

http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show....ass.php

'Gossip Girl' recap: D.I.A.F.

Blair can't help running to see Chuck every five seconds, especially once Uncle Jack shows up in town. At first, Princess Sophie is suspicious as usual, but once she meets Cyrus Rose at the engagement party, he does his leprechaun magic and flips her around on the whole issue of Blair. Louis gets back his princely due, and Blair couldn't be happier. Of course meanwhile, Louis has met up with Chuck, who gleefully plays it like Blair is creepin' and jeepin', so Louis needs calming down. Blair admits that she has a certain amount of darkness in her, as evidenced by lying to everybody about Chuck's violent episode, but Cyrus talks her into telling Louis absolutely everything.

The whole Raina/Jack thing is pretty much a non-starter, as Uncle Jack pulls a double-cross on Russell and, with Nate's help, convinces Russell to come clean: Avery was planning to leave him for Bart, and the explosion was intended to get Bart and not Avery at all. Chuck chases Russell out of town, Raina dumps her dad forever, and Uncle Jack mostly just runs around being adorable and wacky.

Everybody goes to a big Constance/St. Jude's alumni thing -- Kati! Iz! Those weird S/B clone-children! -- where Blair hopes to fully reconcile with Louis and Serena and Blair have a lovely reunion. Charlie's gotten access to her trust fund, and has decided she no longer needs medication. After consulting a photograph of Serena's Cotillion dress and ponytail, she pulls another switcheroo on Serena, baiting her into attacking Charlie in front of Dan. Serena finally realizes maybe Vanessa isn't just being Vanessa, and they have a meeting at PRADA where Rufus confirms that Charlie is out of her goddamn mind.

Of course, Dan has already figured this out, based on her manic behavior and attempt to get him to fuck her in Headmistress Queller's office, while calling her "Serena." (!!!!) This awesome shit, combined with the fact that Russell has lured Blair away from Louis with another Chuck suicide lie, does not bode well for anybody in next week's finale.

Next week: Russell sets fire to Blair, Georgina shows up, Charlie joins the cast for Season Five, and Jenny and Vanessa both vanish forever into the nightmarish realm of Tim Gunn's disdain.

http://www.tvfanatic.com/2011/05/gossip-girl-review-shattered-bass/

Gossip Girl Review: Call Me Serena!

If nothing else, the Russell Thorpe story line can no longer be called boring.

In the first installment of Gossip Girl's two-part season finale, Bart's old partner was exposed as a sociopath and possible murderer - one setting his sights on the ultimate revenge, holding the one thing Chuck truly covets in life in a precarious position.

Let's backtrack and break down how Russell and Blair ended up on the roof .

Despite predictable developments and serious plot holes, "Shattered Bass" was entertaining for the most part and featured some terrific cameos and one-liners.

Blair and Louis' love affair is in full bloom, although I certainly didn't sense a lot of chemistry between them this week. Partly because B was seeing Chuck a lot.

She spends a lot of time worrying about Chuck for someone supposedly so enthralled with Louis, doesn't she? The writers sure glossed over Chuck's abuse fast.

Princess Sophie even had B tailed to prove that she was being dishonest with Louis. This begs the question: If she reveals her dark side, will he still want her?

He claims he will, but it looks far from certain. Those unsavory elements of B's personality are what forms the magnetism Chuck feels with Blair and vice versa.

Princess Sophie was won over, though, thanks to Cyrus. Wallace Shawn once again proved he is the man, and not just because of his Princess Bride reference.

Meanwhile, in thoroughly confusing Chuck news mostly redeemed by the return of Desmond Harrington as Jack, Raina called in Evil Uncle Bass. For REVENGE.

Jack then got in touch with Russell and plotted to take down Chuck, because Raina was to amateurish. Then Jack enlisted some thugs to force Chuck into rehab.

It's a good thing this was a setup - to trap Russell into rifling through Chuck's stuff with him supposedly locked away - because it was unrealistic on many levels.

Russell falling for it was amazing in a sense, but he was pretty desperate. The surveillance tape Russell wanted so hard didn't prove Bart Bass' guilt, but his own.

It was great, and admittedly unexpected, to see Jack take Chuck's side on this one, and noble of young Bass to let Russell walk with the same deal Bart had offered him.

Then Nate had to go and open his pretty mouth.

Having heard the truth from Nate, Raina called her dad to tell him he may as well be dead to her too. Betrayed, reeling and crazy, Russell hatched a plan for revenge.

Just as Chuck went to make a last-ditch effort to win over Blair at her public, royal debut with Louis, she was lured again by her star-crossed flame to Charlies' Place.

The roof of the hotel he's building, that is. Only Russell Thorpe awaited her, not Chuck. Will he bookend his career of torching buildings with Bass love interests inside?

Will Chuck stop him in the nick of time, only to win Blair's heart back from Louis? And is Raina's mom actually dead? We'll have to see when the season wraps May 16.

While all this was happening, Charlie went off her medication.

What she takes it for, why she stopped taking it, why she left evidence of not taking it in plain view, and how missing one dose made her NUTS in about three hours?

All very unclear. But that's where we're at right now.

After Dan invited Charlie to a fundraiser at Constance (which hilariously featured the return of Katy and Iz, along with those Gossip Girl fans who are like 12), Charlie freaked that she had nothing to wear, then showed up in Serena’s Cotillion dress!

This was absurdly awesome moment #1 of Charlie's story line: Serena's reaction and her cousin's insistence that it was a Nina Ricci number she bought once she got access to the Rhodes Trust Fund (another confusing plot element I won't get into).

Awesome moment #2? Charlie deciding she wants to get Humphreyed in Headmistress Queller’s office, slipping out of that dress like it was on fire, thrusting Serena-esque cleavage at Dan ... then breathlessly moaning for him to CALL HER SERENA!

Dan, understandably, backed off at that point.

While this would have been a top five Gossip Girl sex scene (maybe it even still counts, given some of the camera angles), Dan did the right thing coming to his sense there. The question is what happens next week when Charlie becomes even more unhinged.

Vanessa is coming to the rescue there, at least! Appearing out of nowhere and guaranteeing herself at least a 9 on this week's Gossip Girl Round Table, she and Serena called truce so they could share notes on Rufus and Charlie and her meds for some reason.

The more I write about it, the more I enjoyed some of the vintage Gossip Girl elements of this episode. By no means was it one of the show's best, but it'll be interesting to see how next week plays out and what note Season Four goes out on.

Последняя 22-я

WETPAINT
http://www.wetpaint.com/gossip-....r-after

Gossip Girl Season 4 Finale Recap: Has Blair Found Her Happily Ever After?
by Melinda Taub

Bet you thought Russell Thorpe’s Blair-napping would occupy the whole finale, didn’t you? Wrong! Russell is still just as bad at murdering people as he was 20 years ago. Blair’s daring rescue is just the beginning of this twisty, turny season finale. Let’s get to the rest.

Chuck (Ed Westwick) searches frantically for Blair (Leighton Meester), especially once he hears that Nate (Chace Crawford) told Raina (Tika Sumpter) the truth about her father. Blair is halfway across town at Chuck’s new hotel, where Russell has her locked up while he plays with a lighter, patiently waiting for the gas leak he created to fill the cavernous hotel and ignite, even though the hotel is only half-done and doesn’t seem remotely airtight. See? Super bad at murdering. His ineptitude gives Blair time to sneakily call Chuck, who races over with Nate and Raina. Raina tearfully tells her father she forgives him until he lets her have the lighter. The second it’s in her hand, she’s all, “You’re going to jail and I’m never visiting you.” Cold! Raina’s awesome.

Back at the Constance party, the hunt is on for another wayward soul. Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) and Serena (Blake Lively) reluctantly team up to warn Dan (Penn Badgley) about her craziness, and he’s like, “Way ahead of you.” Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) sends them all a suicide-y text, so they split up to go look for her so she doesn’t jump out the window — but not before spurning Georgina’s (Michelle Trachtenberg) offer of help, probably because they think she’d give Charlie a push.

Yes, G is back in town, and married, and bored, and itching to get in on the latest scheme. When they won’t let her help, she ends up seeing quite a bit of Charlie anyway, but keeps her mouth shut. More on that later.

A shaken Blair agrees to get a drink with Chuck before returning to face Louis (Hugo Becker). She and Chuck stumble into a bar mitzvah, where they can party anonymously because “No one Gossip Girl writes about is here” (why? Is Gossip Girl antisemitic?). They have such a good time dancing and getting hoisted in chairs that Blair pulls him into a closet to have sex. Hope no one walks in on them. That would traumatize any rabbi.

Vanessa goes to look for Charlie at the loft. Instead she finds a manuscript — a scathing satire of Upper East Side life by Daniel Humphrey. She calls him and begs him to publish it, but Dan demurs, since the people he’s skewered are now his best friends, lovers, and family (and in many cases all three). Vanessa steals the manuscript.

Raina decides to ditch Nate and move back to Chicago. Nate is sad for 10 seconds before a text from Serena summons him back to Constance. Serena has been doing some soul searching. While looking for Charlie, she’s found time for chats with her former principal and those weird little girls about how her life is kind of disappointing and boring. When S finally finds Charlie on the ledge of an upstairs window, she admits she kind of sucks, and Charlie’s like, “OK then,” and hops safely back into the room.

same Pamela Dennis gown Serena wore in Season 1's "Hi, Society."
So yay, right? Not so fast. Crazy Charlie loses the crazy the moment the gang’s eyes are off her. She calls someone to say, “It went perfectly.” Georgina spots this weirdness and is like, “Yay! A friend!” She tells Charlie to look her up if she ever comes back to Manhattan.

Blair tells Chuck she’ll dump Louis for him — she loves Louis and he makes her happy, but her love for Chuck is dark and twisted and overwhelming and who needs happiness? Chuck, perhaps realizing how creepy this sounds coming from the girl he beat up two weeks ago, decides to push her back into Louis’s arms. After a tearful goodbye, she goes.

Three weeks later, everyone’s leaving town. Blair’s headed for the Monaco royal yacht to plan a November wedding. Dan looks a little sad to see her go, but decides to light out for the Hamptons with Eric (Connor Paolo). Serena heads for sunny California, where she promptly meets a young, cute assistant producer on the boardwalk, schools him on her favorite Fitzgerald novel, and steals his job. Yep! We’re sure breaking into Hollywood is that easy.

Vanessa is on her way to study in Barcelona, but she makes time to sell out her oldest friend one before she goes. She meets with an editor and gives him Dan’s book. She at least has the grace to take his name off it, but we’re sure that’ll be little comfort to Dan once everyone notices that the main character is a bitter Brooklynite with a thing for his stepsister and sister who happens to be a pantsless goth. Eesh. Good riddance, V.

And one last little bird flies the coop: Charlie’s met at the bus station by her mom Carol. Who isn’t her mom. Because “Charlie” is actually an actress named Ivy, who Carol hired to get a hold of Charlie’s trust fund without involving her actual daughter, whose whereabouts we don’t learn. We’re guessing Ivy will be back though — she held onto a few trust fund checks, as well as Georgina’s phone number. Also Kaylee DeFer is a series regular. So we’ll see her — and you guys — in the fall!