1. It’s never abuse to be shoved around by a guy, or claimed as property. That’s true love! And don’t try to argue otherwise because lol that’s just fake!feminism.

2. It’s always the obligation/right/destiny of the woman, to save her man. Doesn’t matter what he’s done, he must be rescued.

3. Other women in his life are to be put on a pedestal, while you are to remain in the dark waiting for him to decide you’re important enough to think of. And don’t you dare try and move away from your spot as his second choice.

4. Despite whatever tricks he pulled, heartstrings he tugged on, or buttons he pushed… you went up there on your own.

5. The following are terms of endearment: Slut, Mine!, Horse.

6. Sex is never to be initiated by the female. Ever. Any attempts to do so will result in rejection. However, any and all attempts to initiate sex by the male must be followed through with, or else.

7. Daddy issues/Mommy issues/wrong scarf issues are always and absolutely, perfect excuses for any bad behavior. After all, no one else in the world has ever overcome them and become mature and well-adjusted members of society. Not ever.

8. Excessive drinking and partaking in drugs is kosher. Aforementioned issues in fact make them a necessity.

9. Simple and easy dates don’t exist. The only options you have for spending your time are the following: scheming, plotting, take-downs, cover-ups, and the man requesting sex. Movies? Art? FEH!

10. Remember, above all else, he’s the most important thing in the entire universe. Thinking of yourself, your safety, your friends or family before him? Treason.