407
Before Nate can ask more, they are interrupted by Blair and Chuck arriving from different sides of the street, along with a HOT WOMAN, who carries a hard TYPEWRITER case.
CHUCK What’s she doing here?
BLAIR What's he doing here? And who brought the Avon Lady?
NATE She’s a court stenographer, and there's a notary on the way.
SERENA We know you made a truce, and that's great first step, but we also know you; you have nuclear capability.
NATE Sooner or later one of you will press the other’s button, and there will be nothing left but cockroaches.
SERENA So we’re here to propose you make an official peace treaty, one based on more than a handshake. To ensure we all survive. Chuck and Blair consider this.
BLAIR I am nearly twenty, it is time to think about my legacy.
CHUCK And I don’t have anywhere I have to be for an hour...(winks at Stenographer)... or two. The Stenographer blushes, Blair rolls her eyes, Chuck smiles.
CHUCK (CONT’D)Let the negotiations begin. INT. UES RESTAURANT - DAY (D-1)Negotiations are underway. The stenographer types. Chuck has loosened his tie, Blair’s headband is off. Tension is high.
CHUCK In the spirit of peace, if you give me The Standard on weeknights I'll give you The Carlyle for the entire Christmas season.
BLAIR Done. But I want an addendum that you can’t bed hostesses from the roster of restaurants I frequent.
SERENA Moving on to Article #47, strip clubs in the outer boroughs.
BLAIR Sidebar!
Serena and Blair go to a corner.
SERENA Why are we sidebar-ing? You want access to strip clubs?!
BLAIR No! I don’t want to appear like I'm ceding territory too easily. So, have you taken care of this anniversary situation?
SERENA B, what can I do? They’re planning a family thing as we speak. I’ll get to your party, but I’ll be late.
BLAIR Unacceptable. Just like the sex glow you're sporting. Who’d you sleep with? Please don’t say --
SERENA I didn’t sleep with him, we had coffee.
BLAIR Serena! Coffee is the thing you have before you pay the check to go have sex!
SERENA It’s not like that. Colin is --
BLAIR Your Professor? The one you promised you'd stay away from, except for where class is concerned?
SERENA And I am. We’re only meeting during office hours.
BLAIR I don’t want to hear this. You may think you’ve changed, but you’re one macchiato away from making the same mistake you always have. I won’t bean accomplice. Especially not on my almost birthday. Find someone else.
SERENA(hurt)Fine. I’ll never mention him again. They return to the table, Serena’s hurt.
BLAIR I cede the strip clubs.
NATE Then that concludes the treaty.
BLAIR Actually, there’s one last point to negotiate. (pointed, to Chuck) In private. Attorneys, you are dismissed.
Serena leaves as Nate stays behind to use his phone to SNAP A PICTURE.
Chuck and Blair exit the restaurant, the treaty signed. It's hard for them to say goodbye.
BLAIR Well, that’s it then. The war is over.
CHUCK The administration should hire us to fix the Middle East.
BLAIR No more rage blackouts, blackmail, angry asides or sadistic schemes.
CHUCK We aren’t a couple, we aren’t at war; we officially have no reason to interact beyond social niceties.
They stare at each other for a long moment, torn.
BLAIR Well, that’s a huge relief.
CHUCK I guess... this is goodbye.
He holds out his hand, they shake and hold for just a beat too long... Their pull is magnetic. Blair catches herself, pulls her hand back abruptly, flustered.
BLAIR Let us not forget Article #19 in the treaty -- no touching.(then)Take care, Chuck.
As Blair leaves, composing herself, Chuck watches after her. Then he turns and heads off. Blair turns back, sees him walking away.
Chuck is throwing darts at a board, as Nate enters, ducking.
NATE Whoa, human entering. Hey, congrats on the treaty. Must feel good.
CHUCK Yeah. I don’t know. I feel...
BLAIR Great. It’s just that I seem to have a lot of pent-up --
CHUCK Energy... It feels good to throw sharp objects...
BLAIR And due to recent events I have sometime on my hands. I’d like put it to worthwhile use for a change. Let's use this party to show that I’m ready to take my place among the most powerful women of New York.
ELEANOR I could put in a call to Katrina van den Heuvel, Gloria Steinem, Cher.
BLAIR Actually, I have a new heroine --Dean Amanda Reuther. She rose from humble beginnings in the Bronx to attend Columbia and Yale, clerked for Sandra Day O'Connor, left a top law firm to become one of the first women to leaden Ivy League University. Let's invite her and the cream of Columbia's tenured crop!
ELEANOR But it’s tonight, dear --
BLAIR And it’s my birthday. Or it will be.
CHUCK Now get out of the way before I take your head off?
Chuck sails a dart past Nate’s head. Nate looks at him, concerned.
ELEANOR Well, if you insist...
BLAIR Wonderful. (barks at Dorota) Now, Dorota, burn these twigs and get me cabbage roses pronto! And tell the caterer Harvard crimson tablecloths are verboten at a party attended by Columbia's elite. Go!
Dorota exits as Eleanor looks at Blair, a bit concerned.
NATE I'm worried about you, man.
CHUCK Don't be. Something will happen and I'll feel like myself again. I'm sure it will.
But he’s not so sure...
Dan enters, happy and confident, heads toward the elevator when he spots Chuck sitting alone at a table in the lobby. He goes over, takes a seat across from him.
DAN Chuck! What are you doing here?
CHUCK You really don’t know how to stage a run-in, do you. Cut to the chase. Is this about the message Eric left?
DAN Well, I did see the latest Gossip Girl blast and thought I might as well use it to my advantage. Sorry about your short-lived peace. But hey, look at how long Israel and Palestine have been at it...
CHUCK Is this a bedtime story? I’m getting sleepy.
DAN I thought maybe since Blair betrayed you by having coffee with Jack, you would betray her back and call my sister, offer her protection --
BLAIR (O.S.)You’re about six months late for that, aren’t you, Humphrey?
Dan turns to see Blair. He suddenly notices the two sitting sat the table, the lipstick stain on the teacup... Blair reclaims her seat.
DAN Blair! Uh, kind of surprised to see you here, I assumed --
BLAIR-- that Chuck and I’d be at war over that silly Gossip Girl blast?
Blair and Chuck laugh, it’s warm between them.
BLAIR (CONT’D )It was obviously a plant.
DAN A plant? What gave you that idea?
BLAIR Chuck’s uncle is in Chile.
CHUCK How did you know that, by the way?
BLAIR I must’ve read it somewhere.
Chuck doesn’t like that answer, but continues to Dan.
CHUCK Regardless. Blair came over and assured me she was at home. There are pictures of her firing the caterer to prove it.
BLAIR Obviously people are threatened by our peace and will try to mess with it. Which is why we added two new addendums to the treaty about defence. The notary just left. They each pat their thick manila-sized envelopes.
DAN There’s an actual treaty? Like a legal document?
CHUCK Humphrey, the intricacies of our war games are far too complex for a plebeian like you to fathom.
BLAIR In an additional gesture of trust, Chuck, I’d like to invite you to my birthday party this evening.
CHUCK I gratefully accept. They look at each other for a beat too long before --
BLAIR(full of energy)I’m off to ask Eric Ripert if he'll step in to cater. Maybe I’ll jog there...She quickly exits.
Chuck turns to Dan.
CHUCK Oh, and Humphrey? Helping your sister is never going to happen. When you’re Israel and Palestine, Delaware just isn’t that important.
Dan, fuming, heads toward the elevators.
Blair is talking to guests when Chuck enters. The moment their eyes meet she starts to flush. He shivers as they greet each other.
CHUCK You look lovely tonight. I’d take your hand, but it’s so cold in here I can barely feel my fingers.
BLAIR Cold? I’m practically feverish. I must tell Dorota to turn up the air.
It's evident that they are both having physical reactions to being in each other’s presence.
CHUCK Just one thing before you go. I was wondering... how did you know where Jack was?
BLAIR I read it online somewhere.
CHUCK That's strange. Because last I heard he was off the grid...
BLAIR If you’ll excuse me, I’m entertaining.
Blair rushes off, swiping some woman’s ornamental fan off a table and starts fanning herself...
QUOTEWOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)Hi everyone, I’d also like to make a toast to the birthday girl...
All the guests turn to see the woman is ROBYN! The room buzzes with excitement -- what’s going on?
Lily and Rufus exchange a look, assuming this is their surprise. Blair freezes in her tracks. Eleanor hurries over to her.
ELEANOR Blair, who is this woman?
BLAIR (a sick feeling inside) Robyn. She’s an incredible musician.
ELEANOR That’s wonderful! This is who you arranged to serenade Rufus and Lily?
BLAIR (freaking out) No. Robyn wasn’t my surprise -- I got Yo-Yo Ma to play, but he’s not arriving til the coffee course...
ROBYN Or shall I say a roast? And I have a delicious video to share.
Freaking out, Blair starts to push through the heavy crowd. She's stopped by the minions..
ZOË What does she have? PENELOPE A Jack Bass sex tape?
UNIDENTIFIABLE FEMALE A Nelly Yuki snuff film?
BLAIR Worse!
Blair is nearly at Robyn as --
ROBYN I'd like to take you back to a summer night, a dance party in Stockholm...
To Blair’s horror, the lights go BLACK, and a GIANT VIDEOPROJECTION plays on the wall: A drunk Blair, makeup smeared, dress falling off her shoulder, stands on a piano, terribly singing “Stand By Your Man” at the top of her lungs. Chuck is seen off to the side, trying to coax Blair down. Robyn tries to get Blair down, as well, but Blair shoves her away and keeps singing, mortifying herself. The guests watch this in confounded silence.
In a panic, Blair looks around, spots the PLUG to the PROJECTOR. She LUNGES for it, and in so doing, knocks Dean Reuther into the chocolate fountain! The room gasps. Blair, humiliated, locks eyes with Chuck -- then shoots him daggers. GOSSIP GIRL (V.O.)XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
OFF Dan, watching the look between Chuck and Blair -- his plan worked!
As Robyn continues her song, Blair finds Chuck with Nate in the foyer, and goes at him, not caring who hears.
BLAIR You know how ashamed I am of that video. Stand By Your Man? In front of Dean Reuther and Madeleine Albright? How could you?
CHUCK Blair --
BLAIR Why did you do it? Because I know where Jack is? I only found out because I hired Andrew Tyler to spy on you, and he told me!
CHUCK You did what?
BLAIR (a beat, the truth) Right after Eva left, I needed to know you weren’t in touch with her...
Chuck takes that in. Then:
CHUCK Blair, I admit, I hate being at peace with you. But I didn’t do this.
BLAIR Only three people knew about that video. Me, you and Robyn. Even if Nate or Serena peeked at the treaty, you’re the one with motive. G
NATE (O.S.)Actually, there’s someone else...
They turn to see Nate. What does he mean? He’s looking to Dan, who is standing nearby with Eric.
NATE (CONT’D)Am I right? You stole the treaty?
DAN Yes, I did. I went behind your back. Just like you went around mine.
BLAIR Why would you do this?
DAN Are you serious? It’s because of you that my sister doesn’t feel safe to live in her own house and can’t be with her parents on their anniversary. She was a different person before she met the two of you.
ERIC Come on Dan, this is about you getting revenge on Chuck and Blair.
DAN Maybe you’re right. I’m sick of the way they’ve messed with all of our lives. And I’m sick of taking the high road. Even Gandhi wouldn’t have turned the other cheek after being subjected to Chuck and Blair. They deserve whatever they get. I’m not sorry for what I did.
REVEAL RUFUS, looking at Dan, disappointed.
RUFUS No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I'm sorry you finally became one of them.
Rufus takes Lily’s hand and crosses away.
OFF Dan, crushed.
Blair and Eleanor sit at the kitchen table having tea. Blair is deeply upset and disappointed.
BLAIR I'm a failure at twenty.
ELEANOR Are you kidding? Elsa Maxwell says: a good party gives people what they don't expect. In short, they don’t bore.
This gets a small smile out of Blair...
BLAIR Well I suppose watching Dean Reuther get dipped in chocolate like a strawberry wasn’t boring...
ELEANOR Nothing around you ever is. (then) But something else is wrong.
BLAIR What I want is to be a powerful woman. But every time Chuck’s around just feel like a weak little girl.
ELEANOR I shut myself off for a long time after your father left. I got cold and hard. And then I met Cyrus, and he taught me that sometimes you have to be weak to stay strong. Being vulnerable, allowing yourself to lose control a little -- that’s what makes you powerful. You don’t have to lose the girl to be a woman. You just need to maybe not let her out in front of so many people next time...?
Blair laughs. A warm moment between mother and daughter...
ELEANOR (CONT’D)I’m going up to bed. Shut the lights before you go?
As she heads up the back stairs...
WALDORF PENTHOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT (N-1)
The apartment is quiet. Blair walks through, turning off lights. She turns off the kitchen, the hallway, then goes to turn off the Dining Room when she sees: CHUCK sitting on a chair. An electric current runs between them.
BLAIR What are you still doing here?
Chuck holds up a copy of the treaty he got from Serena's room, rips it in two.
CHUCK I wanted to let you know that the treaty is over.
BLAIR I'm happy to hear it. This pretense of civility was exhausting. Even though it was Dan this time, it's obvious it would be you the next.
CHUCK Being amicable isn’t in our blood. We can't be friends. Friends have to like each other. And I’ll never like you.
BLAIR I'll never like you, either. In fact, I hate you.
CHUCK I hate you, too.
BLAIR I’ve never hated anyone more.
CHUCK Every nerve ending in my body is electrified by hatred.
BLAIR There’s a fiery pit of hate burning inside me and it’s ready to explode.
CHUCK So it’s settled then?
BLAIR Oh, it’s settled.
But instead of leaving, he grabs her. And she lets him. It looks for a second like he might kill her, but instead... he KISSES HER. She kisses him back. And all that tension that's been brewing between them explodes in angry, amazing HATE SEX on the dining room table, as we:
