Here we go …

A.) Monte Carlo, Mounting Chuck … It’s all the same.

B.) Why must we have a Vanessa-like replacement following Nate around and making him feel like The Spectator matters?

C.) There’s no way Nate actually paid attention in any of his classes at Columbia enough to even know his professors’ names, let alone have a “favorite.” Unconvincing portrayal of Nate Archibald, writers.

D.) The big news of the summer isn’t that Serena had to be resuscitated on a train or that Chuck and Blair were doing it in Monte Carlo, while Nate is giving interviews to some Vanessa look like who makes him feel like he matters. Nope. The real earth shaker is that Dan cut off portions of his hair long enough to donate to Locks of Love For Muppets, but for some reason didn’t nix the whole do. Floppy hair clause in his contract is all I can think of.

E.) Once again, Blair is saddle with annoying dude with a horrible French accent at the beginning of the season. And why does he need major dental work? Who casts these people? And can we not hire a better dialect coach? It’s the last season for God’s sake. Spring for a few little things that kinda matter.

F.) Lily spends all summer thinking it’s absolutely normal that she hasn’t given Serena a second thought, then runs to Rufus crying, wondering ‘How could I possibly have done this?’ Because Lily has previously been so completely and totally attentive to her children with regards to her love life? This is just what you do, Lily. Own it. Plus 5.

G.) I’ve long accepted the crazy plot twists of this show. I make fun of them, but I accept them. It’s with that spirit that I issue the following comment: I just want to know how Eric reacted to Bart showing up on the coast of Africa with Lily on their second honeymoon after the renewed their vows. You know, after he crawled out of the grave like it was no big deal. I would just kill to be a fly on the wall of that room.

H.) Bart Bass is alive and his dirty work and condescending one-liners are as awesome as ever. But he’s clearly afraid of what Chuck is capable of, which proves that the student has indeed surpassed his master. My, how the mighty undead have fallen.

I.) Bart forgot to wipe his forehead with a $100 bill and replace the toilet pamper in the Empire with his dirty sexy money as he tells Amira (the translator) that you can buy anything with a suitcase full of cash.

J.) If only Nate could have slapped Dan for forsaking him for Serena, Blair, and Georgina, my evening would’ve been complete. After all, if Dan could’ve just been contented with their bromance, maybe everyone else would be barging in on their awkward wedding instead.

K.) And no, of course Sabrina – er, Serena – doesn’t know where Wisconsin is. If it doesn’t fall within the cleavage rhombus or Gossip Girl’s inbox, it’s not on her radar. She can barely keep her own name straight for God sakes. Give the girl an effing break.

L.) Reality check: Dan lost Blair to the “idea of Chuck”, because even an idea of Chuck supersedes Dan the donut.

M.) When Queen B starts issuing edicts and giving out orders about who is allowed in and out of Manhattan, you know she’s in her prime.

N.) I’m not sure whose rock bottom is harder: Rufus sleeping with a girl he once believed to be his step-niece, or Dan walking in on them in the middle of it with their gross legs all grossly intertwined. I know I’m not going to be able to sleep for awhile after that.